Components of Love

Today i finished reading Hector and the secret of love. Fruitful books about life and love, beautifully written by francois lelord who is known for his international best seller “Hector and The Search of Happiness”.
In the final chapter, Hector (the main character) summarised the components of love (as he previously listed the heartache component) and he is realized that the component of love is the opposite of component of heartache. The book beautifully describe the components of love as follow :
first component : fulfilment (the other side of neediness), the simple happiness of being with the loved ones, the feeling of calm when the loved one laughs, sleeps, thinks, the incomparable happiness of simply being in each other’s arms.
second component : the joy of giving (the other side of guilt), feeling happy because we make others happy, saying to ourselves that with us shelved one has experienced joys they would not have experienced without us, that we have brought new light into their life, in the same way they have brought new light into ours.
— happiness is caring about happiness of those you love
third component : gratitude (the other side of anger), being amazed by what we owe the loved one, the joy they have given us, the way they have helped us mature, the way they have been able to comfort and understand us, and to share our pleasures and sorrows.
fourth component : self confident (the other side of low self-esteem), feeling happy to be who we are simply because the loved one loves us for who we are, with all our strengths and weaknesses. despite our ordeals and setbacks, the criticism of  others, and the cruelty of life, feeling a measure of self-confidence thanks to what really matters to us: being loved by the loved one.
fifth component : serenity (the other side of fear), knowing that, despite life’s ups and downs and its inevitable tragic end, the loved one will be with us on this journey. the tests of time, illness, all of this will be bearable with the loved one by our side, for better or for worse, in happiness as in adversity.
Yes, this is a sudden melancholy post, and I may get so drag into the ambience because i will experience one of biggest moment in my life.
I agree with this components, i think we are all have experience such components towards the loved one. Maybe in the future, we will add other components, but for now I think this is complete “secret of love”.

What kind of oil to choose?

So today i am going to change my car’s oil and as soon as i arrived i can’t get a clear answer on what oil should i buy.

Deciding what oil should be pick is depending on the local weather, usage, and the age of your car, but you could find it in your car’s manual book. But for those who can’t find theirs manual book, this article could be a reference.

Apparently, oil brands in indonesia offered the same type for car which is 10w-40.
After doing some micro research on websites, i found out that for synthetic oil there’s 2 indicators that tells how the oil viscosity works during 2 kind of temperature. The oil is going to be thick on low temperature and going thinner in high temperature. The digits before the letter w(w means winter) indicates the thickness on lowtemperature, and from sources i read, the smaller the number the greater it perform on cold weather, for instance 5w-30 is better than 10w-30. Because when the oil is thick, it will difficult to flow and the engine will get difficult to start.
The latter digits indicates performance in high temperature or operating temperature, greater number indicates the oil will stay thick in higher temperature. In operating temperature we don’t want the oil to get thinner because it cause more friction to the moving part on engine. So the greater the number the better it performs.

Back to my car, i choosed 10w-40 and less expensive one, which is shell hx7 that cost 10.000 rupiahs cheaper than castrol magnatec, because i can find distinctive advantage the castrol proposed to extra charge me

These are the days

Reading my blog for me is like  time-traveling to 20 year old me. What was i’m thinking, what was i feel, what things i have done, how different from the current-me, was i doing the right things back then.. For you who read this, you should write a blog, even only for yourself. So you can measure yourself through time.

The 23 year old andika, still digging Jamie Cullum, John Mayer, even Justin Bieber is very popular now (the media called it Bieber Fever) . #this is just a random equation on words

So,here it is, These are the days, by Jamie Cullum that i like to share

These are the days that I’ve been missing
Give me the taste give me the joy of summer wine
These are the days that bring new meaning
I feel the stillness of the sun and I feel fine
Sometimes when the nights are closing early
I remember you and I start to smile
Even though now you don’t want to know me
I get on by, and I go the extra mile

These are the times of love and meaning
Ice of the heart has melted away and found the light
These are the days of endless dreaming
Troubles of life are floating away like a bird in flight

These are the days
These are the days
These are the days

I’ve thought you said that love would last forever
Leave and that the tears would end for good
I told you that we get through any weather
Maybe that didn’t work out
But we did the best we could

These are the days that I’ve been missing
Give me the taste give me the joy of summer wine
These are the days that bring new meaning
I feel the stillness of the sun and I feel fine

Maybe sometimes i just like to freeze time, and  think a lot. This kind of song catalyze my brain to produce some alpha waves. 🙂

However JB is also amusing.

Silent killer

Saya inget waktu kuliah rekasaya termal dulu, pa dosen pernah bercerita tentang penyakit darah tinggi, yang menjadi silent killer, penyakit ini perlahan menyebabkan kerusakan pada organ-organ lain pada tubuh. Jik fluida yang mengalir pada pipa, memiliki tekanan yang terlalu tinggi, maka fluida itu akan merusak si pipa. Dalam hal ini darah mengalir melalui kapiler ke seluruh tubuh, bila tekanannya tinggi maka akan merusak sistem yang dilewatinya. Seringkali penyakit ini menimbulkan komplikasi penyakit-penyakit lain yang lebih berbahaya.

Tulisan ini ga membahas tentang penyakit darah tinggi, yang “membunuh” jasmani kita, melainkan sikap kita yang tidak diduga akan menyebabkan kehancuran bagi diri sendiri. Well, menurut saya, sikap puas yang berkepanjangan, menganggap diri sudah hebat, merasa diri benar tanpa melakukan tinjauan(introspeksi) dari berbagai sudut pandang adalah silent killer.

Tulisan ini lebih ditujukan kepada saya sendiri, supaya inget klo saya hanya single partikel atomik yang kecil di jagad raya,walo ga menutup kemungkinan, terjadinya reaksi fisi yang menyebabkan ledakan energi sih, hehehe. *ngaco* sekian.

Love is a verb

This is a story i found in “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R.Covey. Remarkable book that i haven’t finished yet, even i started read it in 2005. Dulu pertama kali baca buku ini saya tertarik banget, karena ide-idenya  keren, bagus banget, inspiring. Saya berhenti baca karena males, hehe. Mungkin waktu itu emang belum ada kebutuhan untuk hal-hal pengembangan diri, masih muda. Belakangan ini saya buka lagi buku ini, sekarang ngerasa tertarik kembali, mungkin karena banyak pikiran kemudian butuh ide mencerahkan. Well, ini salah satu cerita yang membuat saya berhenti sejenak membaca bukunya dan kemudian merenung.

At one seminar where I was speaking on the concept of proactivity, a man came up and said, “Stephen. I like what you’re saying.  But every situation is so different. Look at my marriage. I’m really worried. My wife and I just don’t have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don’t love her anymore and she doesn’t love me. What can I do?”

“The feeling isn’t there anymore?” I asked.
“That’s right,” he reaffirmed. “And we have three children we’re really concerned about. What do you suggest?”
” Love her.” I replied
“I told you, the feeling just isn’t there anymore.”
“Love her.”
“You don’t understand. The feeling of love just isn’t there.”
“Then love her. If the feeling isn’t there, that’s a good reason to love her.”
“But how do you love when you don’t love?”
“My friend, love is a verb. Love-the feeling-is a fruit of love, a verb. So love her. serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Emphathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?”

In great literature of all progressive societies, love is a verb. Reactive people make it a feeling. They’re driven by feeling. Hollywood has generally scripted us to believe that we are not responsible, that we are a product of our feelings. But the Hollywood script does not describe the reality. If our feelings control our actions, it is because we have abdicated our responsibility and empowered them to do so.

Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do: the sacrifice you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into world. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return. If you are a parent, look at the love you have for the children you sacrificed for. Love is a value that is actualized though loving actions. Proactive people subordinate feelings to values. Love the feeling, can be recaptured.

Perjalanan hidup banyak dihiasi masalah, apapun jenisnya, yang sering membuat  kesal, memutar balikkan mood, dan sebagainya. But sometimes the problem is on us, the way we see the problem is the problem. Seringkali berharap lebih terhadap seseorang, atau ingin sesuatu berjalan sesuai dengan kemauan, tapi bila yang terjadi tidak sesuai dengan harapan, itu membuat kesal. People don’t change. Maybe we must stop thinking to change others, and start to shift our paradigm.

HASTA BRATA

Alkisah, waktu saya pulang ke Bekasi, di kamar papa terpajang hiasan wayang. Saya ini wong jowo, Solo. Sebelumnya papa pernah bercerita tentang karakter pemimpin ideal berdasarkan orang jawa, well, mungkin Solo pada khususnya. Kemudian beliau bercerita sedikit tentang hiasan wayang itu, dan menunjukkan kertas berisi keterangan Hasta Brata. Yang menarik adalah penggunaan metafora benda-benda maupun fenomena di alam ini sebagai filosofi. Mungkin agar kita bisa selalu ingat bahwa dialam ini terdapat pelajaran yang sangat berharga bagi manusia(sperti di dalam Al Quran juga). Kurang lebih begini isinya:

Hasta Brata merupakan delapan ajaran kepemimpinan berdasarkan hal-hal di alam ini, ajaran itu berupa watak yang ideal dimiliki oleh pemimpin

  1. Watak Matahari : dapat meberikan kehidupan, semangat, dan energi bagi anak buahnya
  2. Watak Bulan : dapat menyenangkan dan memberi penerangan dikala dalam kegelapan.
  3. Watak Bintang : dapat menjadi contoh teladan, serta pedoman bagi anak buahnya
  4. Watak Angin : dapat melakukan tidnakan yang cermat, mau turun ke lapangan
  5. Watak Mendung : berwibawa, namun dalam tindakannya bermanfaat bagi anak buahnya
  6. Watak Api : dapat bertindak adil, mempunyai prinsip, tegas tanpa pandang bulu
  7. Watak Samodra : berpandangan luas, sanggup menerima segala persoalan tanpa pilih kasih
  8. Watak Bumi : Sentosa budinya, jujur, mau memberi anugerah kepada siapa saja yang telah bergasa kepada Bangsa dan Negara

Filosofinya bagus dan bisa jadi pedoman yang berharga, bagus klo presiden negara kita kelak bisa memiliki kedelapan watak ini.